Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
