I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my sisters under your porch take her home
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
