I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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