there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
pray to the hookup gods
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I did not marry a roomba.
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