Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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