i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
