Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
