you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
