Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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