WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
