I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
