then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
