hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
