i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
