It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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