He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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