Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
