She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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