Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
