Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
