Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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