Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
