not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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