seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
