Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
