Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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