My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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