I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
