Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
