All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
