I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
