I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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