it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
