I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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