Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Everything about him screamed your future.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
