sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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