when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
