I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
