please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
