she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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