Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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