Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
