After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
