I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
