boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
