so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
