She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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