That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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