you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
