i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
