We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
