2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
