you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
